Journal Notes on Saint Paul of the Cross #28

by Amy Knight

Oh my daughter in Jesus Christ! Believe me, the affairs of your spirit have never gone so well as now. I assure you that in these interior afflictions and external insults are hidden the great treasure of Holy Love, for by these means His Divine Majesty intends to prepare your soul to receive most sublime gifts heaven. Be strong, therefore, and constant. Bear yourself always with great meekness, patience, humility, and silence, remaining abandoned in God like a little lamb….I recommend to you a holy internal solitude, and I pray that you make your flights of spirit to the sweet Heart of Jesus.  Letter #256

Romans 12:2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

The end goal of the Holy Spirit towards the people of God is to conform them and transform them into the likeness of the God-man Jesus. God is always about this interior work of transformation in His people. The process of this conformity can be painful. Saint Paul of the Cross mentions this pain as “interior afflictions” and “external insults” and goes on to tell his disciple that “the affairs of your spirit have never gone so well.” Take courage when all seems to feel horrible and circumstances are contrary. Remember in these trials the Cross of Jesus. Meditate on His sufferings. The Cross will always appear that all is lost and complete failure is imminent. Precisely in the Cross that is manifesting presently is the doorway to the fruitfulness.

Total trust in God and in His perfect ways are necessary in these interior and external afflictions. Darkness and oppression will seem to have the upper hand. In the Cross, annihilation of all human ambition ensues. When the realization of total bankruptcy before God, selfish motives, and pride come to the surface and show themselves for what they are, an opportunity opens up to come in humility to the foot of the Cross and allow the loving God-man to wash completely and totally over the soul with His precious and holy blood. Let the gift of tears of repentance flow like a river. He can cleanse the soul to the core.  Without this deep cleansing and annihilation of self, the leaven of lurking hidden sin will spread like virus being hosted in our mortal bodies.

The degree that self-preservation is manifesting is the degree that self-surrender has not occurred. Am I building my own kingdom, or am I building His Kingdom? Am I promoting myself and my ministry, or am I lifting up Christ in the earth? Do I care about getting the credit for what He has used me to produce? What if someone steals my idea, my book, my thoughts? The degree to which this upsets the soul is the degree that this creative work hasn’t been recognized as belonging to Him. If the work is His, then why should it upset the soul if He uses it how He wants? If the soul remains annihilated and hidden, but Christ gets exalted then all is as it should be.

Prayer: Dear Jesus, forgive me for claiming as my own the work that You have used me to produce. I pray that I may be happy to remain hidden and annihilated. I pray that You may get the glory for all that You have done. Let my reward be You alone. In Jesus Name, Amen.

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